The Unreliable Narrators watch…Lucio Fulci’s City of the Living Dead!

city living dead

Welcome to a very special Halloween edition of “The Unreliable Narrators Watch…” with your hosts, the Unreliable Narrators. This week, we’re settling in with a Lucio Fulci splatterfest. City of the Living Dead is the first movie in the acclaimed (?!?) director’s Gates of Hell trilogy.

After watching this movie we were all pretty shell-shocked and didn’t have much in the way of final thoughts. A word of caution: do not watch this while you are eating.

Warning: the following contains SPOILERS. And howler monkeys!

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:

Chris
Chia
George

george_galuschak [6:31 PM] City of the Living Dead!

chialynn [6:31 PM] City of the Living Dead!

chris [6:31 PM] City of the Living Dead!

chris [6:31 PM] Now that’s how you start a horror movie!

george_galuschak [6:32 PM] lots of fog

chris [6:32 PM] screaming

george_galuschak [6:32 PM] spooky graveyard!

chris [6:32 PM] so, it’s Italian but they’re in Dunwich?

chialynn [6:32 PM] Very New England.

chris [6:32 PM] or they’re in a suburb of Rome that’s subbing for Dunwich

george_galuschak [6:33 PM] Rome, New England – same difference

chialynn [6:33 PM] We have those table-top monuments in the cemeteries here, and it always reminds me of Narnia.

george_galuschak [6:33 PM] the priest has red eyes. Maybe he has allergies?

chris [6:33] sounds like Goblin on the soundtrack! this is a LOT like the Dawn of the Dead score

george_galuschak [6:34 PM] theft is the sincerest form of flattery

chialynn [6:34 PM] Séance!

george_galuschak [6:34 PM] now we’re in New York!

chialynn [6:34 PM] ACTING!!!

chris [6:34 PM] I see… a little silhouetto of a man

chialynn [6:34 PM] Acting by breathing!

george_galuschak [6:34 PM] heavy breathing

chris [6:35 PM] First zoom on eyes!

george_galuschak [6:35 PM] bummer

chialynn [6:35 PM] More screaming!

george_galuschak [6:35 PM] wow, the plot’s really kicking into gear!

chialynn [6:35 PM] And what could be a Led Zeppelin riff.

chris [6:35 PM] Youtube has spiffy subtitles. [Spirits moaning]

george_galuschak [6:36 PM] Nice sideburns!

george_galuschak [6:36 PM] Poor Mary!

chialynn [6:36 PM] I think she has a mouthful of hydrogen peroxide.

chris [6:36 PM] doh, link broken

chialynn [6:36 PM] 404, spirit not found.

chialynn [6:37 PM] “You dweller of the twilight void come to Dunwich.”

chris [6:37 PM] Grace Zabriskie should have been in this.

george_galuschak [6:37 PM] good dubbing here!

chialynn [6:37 PM] “Maybe I’ve got no imagination.”

chris [6:37 PM] now it’s a whodunit

george_galuschak [6:38 PM] that’s a nice trench coat

chialynn [6:38 PM] It is.

chris [6:38 PM] Comic book version of what?

chialynn [6:38 PM] Oh, the Book of Enoch. Of course.

george_galuschak [6:39 PM] is that a wig she’s wearing?

chialynn [6:39 PM] Aaaand, now the room is on fire. Because of course it is.

chris [6:39 PM] and now it’s not

george_galuschak [6:39 PM] that’s why they don’t allow smoking in buildings anymore

chialynn [6:40 PM] Novy is admiring the actors’ commitment to this horror movie.

chris [6:40 PM] check out her Eye of Agamotto

george_galuschak [6:40 PM] a vacant apartment in Manhattan. For 26 years? that’s the most unrealistic part of this movie

chialynn [6:40 PM] Exactly!

george_galuschak [6:40 PM] I guess we’re back in Dunwich now?

chris [6:41 PM] I like the soundtrack

george_galuschak [6:41 PM] very windy in dunwich

chialynn [6:41 PM] He does have that Dunwich Look. Red-eyed, tense yet slouchy.

chris [6:41 PM] Is that an abanoned place I see?

george_galuschak [6:41 PM] uhh…

chialynn [6:41 PM] But how abandoned is it really?

chris [6:41 PM] hahahaha

george_galuschak [6:41 PM] wow you don’t see that every day

chialynn [6:42 PM] Those aren’t usually self-inflating.

george_galuschak [6:42 PM] worm baby!

chris [6:42 PM] Slow pan of the maggot baby. Have to take advantage of the effect

chialynn [6:43 PM] Prop list: 1 pound hamburger, 6 bait worms.

chialynn [6:43] That actor is drunk.

george_galuschak [6:43 PM] he acts better that way!

chris [6:43 PM] Straight outta the NYPD factory. Scram, youse.

george_galuschak [6:43 PM] back in Dunwich…we know because it’s windy

chialynn [6:44 PM] “All these high winds, pretty unusual.”

chialynn [6:44 PM] I thought that sign said “Junkie’s Lounge.”

chialynn [6:44] Junie probably gets that a lot.

george_galuschak [6:44 PM] is that Pabst Blue Ribbon I see?

chris [6:44 PM] we should have done an “eye zoom” drinking game

george_galuschak [6:45 PM] drink, drink, drink!!!

chialynn [6:45 PM] I’d be as drunk as that actor.

george_galuschak [6:45 PM] yes, there could be a perfectly natural explanation for that wall cracking open.

chris [6:45 PM] wow, an Early Times sign

chialynn [6:45 PM] “Few beers and you fellows start seeing goons.” Yes, that is very usual dialog.

chris [6:46 PM] two Early Times signs!

george_galuschak [6:46 PM] they gotta go

george_galuschak [6:46] to the bathroom, maybe?

chris [6:46 PM] oh thank god, it’s been a minute and a half since we switched to a new place with new characters. (edited)

chialynn [6:47 PM] I was just starting to get comfortable in the Hell Gate Bar.

george_galuschak [6:47 PM] this is like the spoon river anthology of horror movies – ensemble cast full of salt-of-the earth types, the drunks, the blow-up kid…

chialynn [6:47 PM] Did… Did some rando just wander into an ongoing therapy session?

george_galuschak [6:48 PM] ‘sorry for interrupting your therapy session’

chialynn [6:48 PM] “HIPAA hasn’t been passed yet, so it’s okay!”

chris [6:48 PM] Easy Virtue! Gets ’em every time.

george_galuschak [6:48 PM] Kitty is upset!

chialynn [6:49 PM] I would be too, if some blonde threw me across the room.

george_galuschak [6:49 PM] another scene shift! ah, more salt of the earth types

chris [6:49 PM] ogling centerfolds at a cemetery?

george_galuschak [6:49 PM] hey, the drunk guy’s back

chialynn [6:49 PM] There’s a surprising amount of porn in this movie so far.

george_galuschak [6:49 PM] maybe the drunk guy’s our main character?

chris [6:49 PM] open mouth chewing!

chialynn [6:50 PM] That’s how we know he’s a blue-collar guy. Bad manners, steps on corpses.

george_galuschak [6:50 PM] I didn’t know they got into the hole with the body they’re burying

chialynn [6:50 PM] Now I don’t know if they’re gravediggers or archaeologists.

chialynn [6:50] Porn-mag guy has a banana!

chris [6:51 PM] gratuitous ESB in background

george_galuschak [6:51 PM] he’s smoking a Marlboro! lots of smoking in this movie also

chialynn [6:51 PM] It was the 70s. It was required by law.

chris [6:52 PM] does she have LED lighting in her coffin?

chialynn [6:52 PM] Very stylish.

george_galuschak [6:52 PM] bury me with my lava lamp

george_galuschak [6:52] wow, they’re fast

chris [6:52 PM] Shift’s over! Hell with the corpse.

george_galuschak [6:52 PM] union hours!

chialynn [6:53 PM] Oh. She’s not quite dead yet.

george_galuschak [6:53 PM] thus the LED lighting

chialynn [6:53 PM] Even heavier breathing!

chialynn [6:54 PM] Good thing those guys knocked off before they buried her good and deep.

george_galuschak [6:54 PM] she’s ripping the upholstery!

chris [6:54 PM] After her family went to all that expense.

george_galuschak [6:54 PM] those things ain’t cheap

chialynn [6:54 PM] If only she’d learned the Kill Bill punch.

george_galuschak [6:55 PM] he’s still hanging around?

chialynn [6:55 PM] She’s going to die of his indecision.

chialynn [6:55 PM] Like Ophelia.

george_galuschak [6:55 PM] boy, is he stupid

chris [6:55 PM] lol

george_galuschak [6:55 PM] let me drive the pick through her skull

chris [6:56 PM] more eyes

george_galuschak [6:56 PM] lucky and stupid

chialynn [6:57 PM] “But for you, Mary would have died. Now she’s just scarred for life. Good thing we have a therapist on staff.”

george_galuschak [6:57 PM] a windy city

chialynn [6:57 PM] Mismatched earrings! (I love mismatched earrings.)

chris [6:57 PM] okay, so I guess they chucked her into an expensive coffin without an autopsy or any embalming or anything?

george_galuschak [6:58] ahh, they don’t need autopsies or any of that crap. not in N.J. Since we can see the NYC skyline, I’m guessing it’s N.J.

chialynn [6:58 PM] Dunwich, NJ.

chialynn [6:58 PM] Just outside of, um, Trenton?

chialynn [6:58 PM] Cat’s walking across the piano keys again.

george_galuschak [6:58 PM] is that Bob?

chialynn [6:59 PM] Oh, that’s Bob.

george_galuschak [6:59 PM] What about Bob?

chialynn [6:59 PM] Nice guy, Bob.

chris [6:59 PM] Dawn of the Dead music is back.

george_galuschak [6:59 PM] more worms!

chialynn [6:59 PM] Likes inflatable toys.

george_galuschak [7:00 PM] that’s on his eHarmony profile

chris [7:00 PM] Is that the therapist?

george_galuschak [7:00 PM] the incest therapist, yes

chris [7:00 PM] I can’t keep track of these 1,200 characters

george_galuschak [7:00 PM] they’ll start dying soon enough

chris [7:01 PM] EYE ZOOM

george_galuschak [7:01 PM] I wonder if David Lynch saw this movie? Wasn’t Bob the name of the villain in Twin Peaks?

chialynn [7:01 PM] “I don’t have time to talk to you now, call if you need anything.”

chris [7:01 PM] making out. Always the kiss of death.

george_galuschak [7:01 PM] dead priest alert!

chialynn [7:02 PM] DON’T TURN ON THE HEADLIGHTS!

chris [7:02 PM] Too bad you drained the gas tank, Tommy

george_galuschak [7:03 PM] more eyes!

chris [7:03 PM] here comes the peroxide

chialynn [7:03 PM] This is why we don’t leave our contacts in overnight, sweetie.

george_galuschak [7:03 PM] the date isn’t going so well, I guess

chialynn [7:04 PM] I want you all to know that I’m eating dinner right now.

george_galuschak [7:04 PM] well, that was gross

chialynn [7:05 PM] Nothing red, fortunately.

chris [7:05 PM] Who’s the British chick?

george_galuschak [7:05 PM] he managed to find a parking spot in NYC. Totally unrealistic!

chialynn [7:05 PM] Who’s letting the drunk guy drive?

chris [7:06 PM] “I think the guts spilling out of her mouth had something to do with her death.”

chialynn [7:06 PM] It was Bob!

george_galuschak [7:06 PM] Nyack NY represent!

chris [7:07 PM] Wyack!

chris [7:07] oh Nyack

george_galuschak [7:07 PM] Hey, I think I understand the plot now

chris [7:08 PM] The priest hanged himself! He must be destroyed!

chialynn [7:08 PM] Thanks for spelling it out for us, Mary.

george_galuschak [7:08 PM] that’s one nice head of hair. everyone in this movie has nice hair

chris [7:08 PM] borscht

chialynn [7:08 PM] “My Juicero finally arrived!”

chris [7:09 PM] but again, she apparently hasn’t been cut open

chialynn [7:09 PM] Creepy and inappropriate undertaker—check.

george_galuschak [7:09 PM] that guy looks like a member of the Addams Family

chris [7:09 PM] they walked in on the embalming?

george_galuschak [7:09 PM] back to the bar

george_galuschak [7:10] Bob’s screwed

chris [7:10 PM] he kidnapped a girl and he’s still just hanging out?

chialynn [7:10 PM] “I’m vamoosin’” is a thing that an Italian director would think a Yankee would say.

george_galuschak [7:11 PM] there’s a character named John-john

chialynn [7:11 PM] Bob needs a shower and a hot cup of get yourself together.

george_galuschak [7:11 PM] he came back for his blow up doll

chialynn [7:11 PM] Man, this is priest is just hanging around all over town.

chris [7:12 PM] These people are pretty blase about strange happenings.

george_galuschak [7:12 PM] galloping cadavers!

george_galuschak [7:12] the drunk guy is wonderfully crusty when he’s not drunk

chialynn [7:12 PM] Is the not-quite-dead girl flirting with the drunk driver?

george_galuschak [7:13 PM] sure, he’s only about thirty years older than her

chris [7:12 PM] Chemistry!

chialynn [7:12 PM] And irresistibly crusty.

george_galuschak [7:13 PM] man, I wish I had a car like that

chris [7:13 PM] I gotcher local cuisine right here, toots.

chris [7:14 PM] his jacket is about 10 sizes too big

george_galuschak [7:14 PM] serves you right, buddy!

chris [7:14 PM] Oh, that’s why. Practical effects.

george_galuschak [7:14 PM] is that a monkey I heard hooting?

chialynn [7:15 PM] Very common in Dunwich.

george_galuschak [7:15 PM] I think the sound effects are screwed up

chialynn [7:15 PM] Hooting monkeys.

chris [7:15 PM] Dawn of the Dead music is always a bad sign

george_galuschak [7:15 PM] the self-rocking chair!

 

george_galuschak [7:15] watch out, John-John!

chialynn [7:15 PM] Those look a lot like the blinds in Poltergeist. That can’t be a good sign.

chris [7:15 PM] I think everyone in this movie is on heroin. They hear a primal growl, slowly turn their heavy-lidded eyes.

george_galuschak [7:16 PM] look at those blinds. maybe there was a sale at the Two Guys?

chialynn [7:17 PM] Who closes the door to the living room?

george_galuschak [7:17 PM] we better call the doctor. he needs drugs!

chris [7:17 PM] “I don’t need a doctor!” “Well, I could use one.”

george_galuschak [7:17 PM] the casting in this movie is amazing

george_galuschak [7:18] hey, it’s Bob!

chialynn [7:18 PM] Hi, Bob!

chris [7:18 PM] I hope the blowup doll is a vinyl golem.

george_galuschak [7:18 PM] she’s drawing a rhino!

chialynn [7:18 PM] “Eugene Ianesco’s City of the Dead,” says Novy.

george_galuschak [7:18 PM] hey, a push-button phone!

chris [7:18 PM] He never goes home

chialynn [7:19 PM] He has no home, Chris. Not anymore.

george_galuschak [7:19 PM] ‘my office hours are 8 to 4’

chialynn [7:19 PM] “You’re hysterical, silly woman.”

george_galuschak [7:19] control yourself!

chris [7:19 PM] is he counseling his girlfriend? Is that how they met?

chris [7:20 PM] “What’s your prognosis, doctor?” “You’re kinda hot.”

chialynn [7:20 PM] Hi, Bob!

george_galuschak [7:20 PM] Bob’s enjoying his new sweet ride!

chialynn [7:20 PM] “This isn’t a ’57 Fury.”

george_galuschak [7:20 PM] he has a convertible!

chris [7:20 PM] gun!

george_galuschak [7:20 PM] ‘yes, it’s me. don’t shoot me, please.’

george_galuschak [7:21] oboy. Did he really say that?

chris [7:21 PM] ouch

chialynn [7:21 PM] “You’re nursing a pet neurosis, like about 70 percent of the female population of this country” is a thing he just said.

george_galuschak [7:21 PM] talk therapy on the fly

george_galuschak [7:22 PM] there’s a corpse in your kitchen. watch out, she might bite

chris [7:22 PM] …a thing he said to his girlfriend/patient

george_galuschak [7:22 PM] she walked, that’s how she got here

chialynn [7:23 PM] I heard a noise, and then there was a corpse!

chris [7:23 PM] “Calm down!” She’s just standing there.

george_galuschak [7:23 PM] gin and guns

chialynn [7:23 PM] Corpse gas!

george_galuschak [7:23 PM] well, the good news is that the dead body isn’t in your kitchen anymore

chris [7:23 PM] Star Trek tricorder sounds!

george_galuschak [7:24 PM] she has a cozy home…and a studio where she paints rhinos! what a great life!

chris [7:24 PM] “Give me the gun. You’re too emotional.”

chialynn [7:24 PM] Bob Ross, Monster Hunter.

george_galuschak [7:24 PM] she’s fucking up the furniture! Jerry, get her out! she’s fucking up the furniture!

chialynn [7:25 PM] She’s a zombie. That’s what they do.

chris [7:25 PM] What does it take to freak these people out?

chialynn [7:25 PM] “Let’s search every room. Separately.”

george_galuschak [7:25 PM] gargoyle toenails!

chris [7:25 PM] The body is gone, and someone’s clearly trashing the house. But don’t jump to any conclusions.

chialynn [7:26 PM] These things are probably unconnected.

george_galuschak [7:26 PM] that was close!

chialynn [7:26 PM] The geography is still confusing me.

george_galuschak [7:26 PM] man, they went all out on these special effects

chialynn [7:26 PM] The walls are bleeding. That’s never a good sign.

chris [7:27 PM] There’s probably a perfectly good explanation for bleeding walls. Don’t let your pet neuroses get the better of you.

chialynn [7:27 PM] They keep pronouncing it “Dun-wich.” I’m pretty sure it’s “Dunnich.”

chialynn [7:27] And it was definitely not built on the site of the original Salem.

george_galuschak [7:27 PM] he’s been smoking the same cigar for the past sixty minutes

chris [7:27 PM] “We know someone who’s hanging around there.”

george_galuschak [7:28 PM] lol

george_galuschak [7:28 PM] Hey, it’s Bob!

chialynn [7:28 PM] Hey, Bob!

chialynn [7:28 PM] Everybody knows Bob!

chialynn [7:29] Oh, dear.

chialynn [7:29] Now there are powertools and misunderstandings.

george_galuschak [7:29 PM] the Bob storyline isn’t going the way I expected

chialynn [7:30 PM] Bob is a creep, but he doesn’t deserve this.

george_galuschak [7:30 PM] I thought Fulci would go for the eyeball gouge, but no

chris [7:30 PM] He’s full of Hostess cherry pie filling!

chialynn [7:31 PM] Has Fulci been watching Cronenberg?

george_galuschak [7:31 PM] I feel like the Bob storyline never reached its full potential

chris [7:31 PM] Two doorbells!

chialynn [7:31 PM] “I guess there’s nobody in. That’s strange. Funeral homes are usually staffed 24/7.”

george_galuschak [7:31 PM] Ah, they finally made it to dunwich. Where the wind machine always blows

george_galuschak [7:32] it only took them, like, a week

chialynn [7:32 PM] The very same tombstone!

chris [7:32 PM] Arlington joke

chialynn [7:32 PM] So… It’s All-Saints Day, but it was broad daylight in Manhattan at 5pm a few days ago.

chris [7:33 PM] somebody’s really kept up these ancient tombstones

chris [7:34] All the characters are starting to converge!  It’s Crash with blood!

chialynn [7:34 PM] It’s SUCH a long story.

george_galuschak [7:34 PM] the death of father Thomas gave birth to evil

chris [7:34 PM] WORM STORM

george_galuschak [7:34 PM] flying maggots!

chialynn [7:34 PM] Ah, the dreaded Dunwich Maggot-nado.

george_galuschak [7:34 PM] why don’t they move away from the window?

chris [7:35 PM] Did we really need to see her upchuck her Frappuccino?

chialynn [7:35 PM] Maggot-storm

george_galuschak [7:35 PM] quick, Robin, to the maggot phone!

chialynn [7:36 PM] The call is coming from inside the maggot!

george_galuschak [7:36 PM] It’s John-John!

chris [7:36 PM] so he called this guy?

george_galuschak [7:36 PM] our heroes are converging

chialynn [7:36 PM] Wait, who’s Emily?

george_galuschak [7:36 PM] who has tabasco sauce with breakfast?

chialynn [7:36 PM] I’ve lost track.

chialynn [7:37 PM] Ah, the bleeding house.

chris [7:37 PM] I feel strange saying this what with all the screaming, but these actors are really underselling the horror.

george_galuschak [7:37 PM] shit like this happens all the time at dunwich

chialynn [7:37 PM] Literally ripped to shreds!

chris [7:37 PM] She was ripped to shreds!  Care for a sandwich?

chialynn [7:38 PM] “We gotta go to the funeral parlor!”

chris [7:38 PM] When are we going to back to the diner on top of the hellmouth?

chialynn [7:38 PM] After we go to the funeral parlor.

chialynn [7:38] That coffin has stains on the lid.

george_galuschak [7:39 PM] Coffin display shot!

chris [7:39 PM] We’ve moved on to prog/krautrock

george_galuschak [7:39 PM] a handprint! On the wall!

chialynn [7:39 PM] This is why you don’t hire horror-film set designers to decorate your funeral home.

george_galuschak [7:40 PM] the howler monkeys are out again!

chris [7:40 PM] lol

george_galuschak [7:40 PM] they’re excited

chris [7:40 PM] maybe there’s an undead organ grinder nearby

chialynn [7:40 PM] John-John is a Yankees fan.

george_galuschak [7:40 PM] Brain squeeze

chialynn [7:40 PM] Emily. This really isn’t necessary, Emily.

chris [7:40 PM] I thought she was under the stairs. How did she grab the top of her head?

george_galuschak [7:41 PM] run, John-John!

chris [7:41 PM] Uh oh, drum solo is never a good sign

george_galuschak [7:41 PM] who’s that?

chris [7:41 PM] six million dollar zombie

george_galuschak [7:41 PM] John-john is having a shitty night

chris [7:42 PM] he’s not in much of a hurry

chialynn [7:42 PM] I want to care, John-John, but you’re a Yankees fan.

george_galuschak [7:42] the curse of Bucky Dent

george_galuschak [7:42] what happened to Emily?

george_galuschak [7:42] oh, she’s still there

chris [7:43 PM] Don’t mind me, have your little moment

george_galuschak [7:43 PM] what happened to the guys at the bar?

chialynn [7:43 PM] I think they’re still drinking.

george_galuschak [7:43 PM] it’s the middle of the night. time to go to the cemetery!

chialynn [7:43 PM] It’s quiet then.

chialynn [7:44] Usually.

george_galuschak [7:44 PM] doing it during the day would be too easy

chialynn [7:44 PM] Maybe not tonight.

george_galuschak [7:44 PM] the bar guys!

chris [7:44 PM] The bar! At last!

chris [7:44] Schlitz on tap!

george_galuschak [7:44 PM] Schlitz!!!

chialynn [7:45 PM] Women do not drink in this bar. Just these three guys.

chris [7:45 PM] too neurotic

george_galuschak [7:45 PM] Emily, is that you?

george_galuschak [7:45] IT IS!!!

george_galuschak [7:45] Emily wants a drink!

chialynn [7:45 PM] That is the most ominous Schlitz sign I’ve ever seen.

george_galuschak [7:45 PM] I think Emily is my fave character

chris [7:45 PM] Are they going to resolve anything more with Bob?

george_galuschak [7:46 PM] everyone needs a drink after squeezing someone’s brains out of their head

chialynn [7:46 PM] Bob’s dead, baby. Bob’s dead.

chris [7:46 PM] yeah, but…

george_galuschak [7:46 PM] the monkeys have tinfoil! or packing tape!

chris [7:46 PM] If they get jumped by a swarm of howler monkeys, I will forgive all.

george_galuschak [7:47 PM] Happy All-Saint’s Day, everyone!

chris [7:47 PM] Zombie BoB!

george_galuschak [7:47 PM] Is that Bob? It is! Zombie Bob!

george_galuschak [7:47] he looks better dead than alive

chris [7:47 PM] He does

chialynn [7:47 PM] Hi, Bob!

chris [7:48 PM] sure, hold your face over the opening

george_galuschak [7:48] why not? the howler monkeys are in there!

chris [7:49 PM] why the hell would anyone do that?

george_galuschak [7:49 PM] they’re stupid?

chialynn [7:49 PM] Oh, _now_ she tells them to be careful.

george_galuschak [7:49 PM] or drunk.

chialynn [7:49 PM] True.

chris [7:50 PM] You know, why didn’t they just go straight to Father Thomas’ clearly labeled tomb as soon as they figured out what was up?

chialynn [7:51 PM] I feel like this isn’t the first tomb he’s opened.

george_galuschak [7:51 PM] HI!!!

chris [7:51 PM] Rats! oh damn, for a sec I thought we were getting the howler monkeys

chialynn [7:51 PM] Nope, just wet rats.

george_galuschak [7:51 PM] they’re over budget as is

chris [7:52 PM] “Now what do we do?” “I hear Maui is nice.”

chialynn [7:52 PM] “Or broken out!” Yes, stay with that thought.

george_galuschak [7:52 PM] let’s go into the tomb. good idea!

chris [7:52 PM] Bob!

george_galuschak [7:52 PM] Bob’s down’ with some brain-eatin’!

chris [7:52 PM] Bob and Emily, sittin’ in a tree

george_galuschak [7:53 PM] I didn’t know they built tunnels down there

chialynn [7:53 PM] Is that radio broadcast a direct Night of the Living Dead riff?

george_galuschak [7:53 PM] who’s that? oh it’s the doc’s rhino painting patient!

chris [7:54 PM] Sandra?

chialynn [7:54 PM] Sandra!

george_galuschak [7:54 PM] TIME FOR SOME BRAIN SQUEEZING!

chialynn [7:54 PM] Who may or may not be a descendant of the Salem Witches, but who definitely does have a very strong grip.

chris [7:54 PM] Why do they all have heads full of Bubble Yum?

george_galuschak [7:54 PM] yummy!!!

chris [7:55 PM] Here come the guts

chialynn [7:55 PM] Is… is a MAN going to end this?

george_galuschak [7:55 PM] get the point?!?!

chris [7:55 PM] Everyone knows you stab zombies in the appendix.

chialynn [7:55 PM] Oh, is that what it’s for?

george_galuschak [7:55 PM] for stabbing!

chris [7:56 PM] Where’s Bob?

chialynn [7:56 PM] That’s a lot of upside-down skeletons.

george_galuschak [7:56 PM] and cobwebs

chialynn [7:56 PM] I can see that in your living room, George. You’ve got that nice open floorplan.

(Editor’s Note: George’s apartment does have a nice open floorplan, but he doesn’t live in a cemetery and he definitely doesn’t have a pet zombie)

chialynn [7:56 PM] Lots of room for spiders.

chialynn [7:57 PM] And zombies.

george_galuschak [7:57 PM] drawn out climax

chris [7:57 PM] Stretchy webs!

george_galuschak [7:57 PM] 86 goddamn minutes in, and the dead finally rise!

chris [7:58 PM] this is the inside of a tomb?

chris [7:58]in a cemetery?

george_galuschak [7:58 PM] prognosis: we’re fucked

chialynn [7:58 PM] Eyes!

george_galuschak [7:59 PM] eyes and dead people!

george_galuschak [7:59] It’s Father Vomit!

george_galuschak [7:59] or whatever his name is

chris [7:59 PM] Papa don’t preach

chialynn [7:59 PM] Teleportation!

george_galuschak [7:59 PM] Blood Eyes

chris [7:59 PM] by all means, stand there until he’s done

george_galuschak [7:59 PM] why not look away?

chialynn [8:00 PM] Now, Father. If you’d known you would spend eternity in a stinky corpse hole, would you have hanged yourself in the cemetery?

george_galuschak [8:00 PM] ‘huh. I better do something.’

chris [8:00 PM] He missed the appendix

chialynn [8:00 PM] Did he… did he just stab Father Vomit in the dick?

chris [8:00 PM] Jason!

george_galuschak [8:00 PM] right in the privates!

chris [8:00 PM] wait, why is everything on fire? did I like away at the wrong 2 seconds?

george_galuschak [8:01 PM] you did! and you missed it all!

george_galuschak [8:01] Father Roman Candle

chialynn [8:01 PM] When you stab an undead priest in the dick, the world catches fire.

chialynn [8:01] It is known.

george_galuschak [8:01 PM] man, I thought the brain squeezing f/x were amazing, but this beats that hands down

chris [8:01 PM] Bob and Emily…

george_galuschak [8:02 PM] that’s the sequel

chialynn [8:02 PM] Poor Bob. He just wanted to be left alone with his doll.

chris [8:02 PM] and sleep in people’s cars. in their garages

george_galuschak [8:02 PM] John-John!

chialynn [8:03 PM] Oh, good. Mary got a chance to wash the blood off her face.

chris [8:03 PM] Say what?

chialynn [8:03 PM] Huh. John-John was the hellmouth all along?

george_galuschak [8:03 PM] maybe?

chris [8:03 PM] Was I missing a cheesy special effect? bloody eyes or something?

george_galuschak [8:04 PM] that ending calls into question the past 92 minutes and 30 seconds

chris [8:04 PM] and what became of the howler monkeys?

george_galuschak [8:04 PM] they’ve moved on to Innsmouth

chialynn [8:04 PM] “The Gates of Hell have been closed just before the dead fully rise. Mary and Gerry exit from Father Thomas’ tomb into the graveyard at morning to see John-John and the police. Mary and Gerry’s relief turns to shock as the realization of the past events becomes all too clear. Mary begins to scream as John-John is running towards them before the film crumbles to black.”

chialynn [8:04] (Says Wikipedia.)

chris [8:05 PM] there was a realization?

george_galuschak [8:05 PM] an epiphany!

chris [8:06 PM] she discovered her latent love for Bob, that will now never be realized

george_galuschak [8:06 PM] I don’t think she ever met Bob, that was the rhino painting woman

chris [8:06 PM] that’s what you think

george_galuschak [8:07 PM] maybe she realized John-John is a Yankees fan

chialynn [8:08 PM] Rumor has it that the editor spilled coffee on the original ending.

george_galuschak [8:08 PM] that sounds too awesome to be true

chris [8:08 PM] oh well, one down

george_galuschak [8:08 PM] TWO TO GO

chris [8:08 PM] I think next up will be PULGASARI

chialynn [8:09 PM] PULGASARI!

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