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Published October 27, 2018

HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE

chialynn [8:06 PM] The Haunting of Hill House! S1E1, “Steven Sees a Ghost”!

george_galuschak [8:07 PM] HaoHiHo!!

chris [8:07 PM] TV-MA. Oh noes

chialynn [8:07 PM] I have not read the book.

george_galuschak [8:07 PM] wow, quoting from the book!

chris [8:07 PM] I listened to the audiobook not long ago

chialynn [8:07 PM] I saw the dreadful 1999 movie adaptation.

george_galuschak [8:07 PM] I’ve read the book a few times

chris [8:07 PM] it sounds to me like this is not all that faithful, focusing on background chars from the book.

george_galuschak [8:08 PM] this is the Mt. Rushmore of haunted house books

chialynn [8:08 PM] I’m picking it up at the library tomorrow.

chris [8:09 PM] Now I want a mountain monument with heads of Shirley Jackson, Stephen King, maybe Straub or McCammon? (edited)

george_galuschak [8:09 PM] E.A. POE

chris [8:09 PM] Dreams can spill!

george_galuschak [8:10 PM] what the hell is this guy talking about? don’t fill up your kid’s head with garbage, man!

chialynn [8:10 PM] Something terrible is about to happen.

george_galuschak [8:10 PM] bent neck lady sounds like a J-movie

chris [8:10 PM] Some dreams are like Evian, and some are like Flint tap water

chialynn [8:10 PM] Never tell your kid you love her in a horror movie.

george_galuschak [8:11 PM] what renovating do they have to do? the house looks pretty nice to me

chris [8:11 PM] is this supposed to be Shirley Jackson??

george_galuschak [8:11 PM] that’s a nice pair of pjs!

chris [8:11 PM] audio jump scare!

chialynn [8:12 PM] So. Much. Blue.

george_galuschak [8:12 PM] yes, the thing about the Shirley Jackson book is that there are no visible ghosts

chris [8:12 PM] Shirley is sleep talking again!

chialynn [8:13 PM] There she is! The bent-neck lady!

chris [8:13 PM] The kid from E.T.!

george_galuschak [8:14 PM] yeah, having a real life ghost destroys the entire point of the book

chialynn [8:14 PM] Shrieking marble statues just make me think of Anne Rice covers.

chris [8:14 PM] curse you, Anne

chialynn [8:14 PM] I don’t know if _we_ just saw the ghost, or if _she_ just did.

chris [8:14 PM] Nice credit sequence

george_galuschak [8:15 PM] bent neck lady would seem to indicate that the person might have hung herself

chialynn [8:16 PM] Grief hallucinations. Very common.

george_galuschak [8:16 PM] raindrops keep falling on my head

chialynn [8:16 PM] (I’m pretty sure I said that about Jacob’s Ladder, too.)

george_galuschak [8:16 PM] HE WAS HANGING UPSIDE DOWN FROM THE CEILING!!!
DEEP PURPLE

chris [8:17 PM]Deep Purple!

george_galuschak [8:17 PM] BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM

chris [8:17 PM] And then there was _smoke_ on the water!

chialynn [8:17 PM] Oh, nice. The date on the recording is 10 days from now.

george_galuschak [8:17 PM] “well, why don’t we try a heavy dose of Valium?”

chialynn [8:18 PM] So probably 2 weeks from the premiere.

george_galuschak [8:18 PM] wow, he’s unshaven

chris [8:18 PM] Auburn!

george_galuschak [8:18 PM] oh, I thought he was a shrink, because that’s what she obviously needs.

chialynn [8:19 PM] No, for sure a medium. My mother-in-law watches all these shows.

george_galuschak [8:20 PM] he didn’t write those words! That was Shirley Jackson!

chris [8:20 PM] she had a Santa Claus moment

george_galuschak [8:20 PM] ‘I write about BULLSHITTERS like you!’

chialynn [8:21 PM] Who wears cork-soled mules with their bathrobe?

chris [8:21 PM] maybe this is the 70s?

chialynn [8:22 PM] Also, who sleeps in the living room with the kid instead of having the kid sleep in your room?

chris [8:22 PM] if you hate your husband?

chialynn [8:22 PM] Or he can’t sleep with the kids?

chris [8:23 PM] ok her family sucks

chialynn [8:23 PM] Maybe the bent-neck lady is in their room, too.

george_galuschak [8:23 PM] here’s an idea – why not take your child to a pediatrician?
instead of having her be terrified every night?

chris [8:24 PM] We promise she’s been made up not to look blue and rigid

george_galuschak [8:24 PM] so this dude fixes up houses, but there’s no sign there’s any construction or work going on in the house…

chialynn [8:24 PM] I always thought viewings were creepy, and I’m so glad I was never chided into going to one.

chris [8:25 PM] I thought she was going to delete

george_galuschak [8:25 PM] DELETE

george_galuschak [8:25 PM] you know, honestly, that’s a big fucked up looking house that would scare any kid…

chialynn [8:26 PM] I sure hope this fireplace doesn’t eat anyone. (1999 adaptation of this book, I’m looking at you.)

george_galuschak [8:26 PM] oh wow, they’re finally doing construction

chris [8:26 PM] oh, that guy is the kid from ET

chris [8:26 PM] that staircase is in the book

george_galuschak [8:26 PM] what, are they kidding? A spiral staircase? gimme a break

george_galuschak [8:26 PM] who’s he gonna sell this house to, The Munsters? or The Addams Family?

george_galuschak [8:26 PM] oh look, a red door. just like THE AMITYVILLE HORROR

chialynn [8:28 PM] What a loving, functional family

george_galuschak [8:28 PM] ‘yeah, let the kids play for long periods by themselves.’ this really is the 70’s

george_galuschak [8:28 PM] he does realize she’s making up the story about her husband, right? or does it not matter?

chris [8:29 PM] probably not. Nell called everyone and then made herself unavailable!

george_galuschak [8:30 PM] he’s about twenty years too young to need glasses

chialynn [8:30 PM] Boston!

george_galuschak [8:30 PM] hey, it’s the lady who sings MOON RIVER!

chialynn [8:31 PM] I’d think she was a vampire if this were a different kind of horror story.

chris [8:31 PM] lesbian creeper!

chris [8:32 PM] OK so they’re not going for HBO levels of gratuity

chialynn [8:32 PM] “You live in a funeral home.”

chris [8:32 PM] I feel a “get out” coming on

george_galuschak [8:33 PM] yeah, wearing gloves like that’s not creepy at all

chris [8:33 PM] hahaha

george_galuschak [8:33 PM] PERFECTLY NORMAL

chialynn [8:33 PM] I feel like everyone should know this is just a hookup before the hookup actually happens.

george_galuschak [8:33 PM] NOTHING TO SEE HERE

chris [8:33 PM] kthxbye! strangers with benefits

george_galuschak [8:34 PM] this jumping back and forth in time is confusing me!!! whine

chris [8:35 PM] :wine_glass: :cheese_wedge:

george_galuschak [8:35 PM] :mouse:

chialynn [8:36 PM] Aaaaaarm!

george_galuschak [8:36 PM] that guy looks like he could star in a Viagra commercial

chris [8:36 PM] MEANWHILE IN ULAN BATOR, MONGOLIA

george_galuschak [8:36 PM] ‘damn, my third arm is acting up again’

chris [8:37 PM] “It is back in Derry.”

george_galuschak [8:37 PM] WE ALL FLOAT DOWN HERE GEORGIE

chris [8:38 PM] dissonant violins are never a good sign

george_galuschak [8:38 PM] wow, that’s not creepy looking at all

chialynn [8:39 PM] “She would say ‘I’m fine,’ but she’d be lying!”

george_galuschak [8:40 PM] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE AMAZING SPINNING DOORKNOB!!!

chris [8:40 PM] Get bent, bent-neck lady

chialynn [8:41 PM] Keep your eyes closed!

chris [8:41 PM] Why are they freaking out?

george_galuschak [8:41 PM] Because they’re stupid?

chialynn [8:42 PM] Did he say “It’s not Mom”?

george_galuschak [8:42 PM] nice Station Wagon!!!

chris [8:42 PM] What? Why was that kid sitting out in the car?

george_galuschak [8:42 PM] hey kids, we’re going to DISNEYLAND!

chris [8:42 PM] Fuck mom!

george_galuschak [8:43 PM] ‘well, I’ll bring a hooker home and you can pretend she’s your mom!’

chris [8:43 PM] Macs are great for ghostbusting

chris [8:43 PM] as well as uploading alien viruses

george_galuschak [8:44 PM] what, are those cobwebs?

chialynn [8:44 PM] Dancin’, dancin’, dancin’…

george_galuschak [8:44 PM] you gotta be kidding me. ‘did you have the choking dream again?’

chris [8:45 PM] feels like they’re rushing too fast to get to scares

chialynn [8:45 PM] More water!

chris [8:46 PM] so she drowned in a tub on the second floor?

george_galuschak [8:46 PM] killed by a candlestick wielded by Col. Mustard!!!!

chialynn [8:46 PM] That was a nice “perfectly normal explanation” moment. With the car outside.

chris [8:47 PM] This would probably be easier to follow if they just stuck with one or two people for a while, not 12

chialynn [8:48 PM] I like that he’s looking for reasonable explanations, even though he writes books about the “preternatural.”

george_galuschak [8:48 PM] The Brady Bunch, ALL GROWN UP!

chialynn [8:48 PM] I am having a little trouble keeping all these people straight.

george_galuschak [8:48 PM] yeah, not a good entry episode. too many characters. who’s the main character?

chris [8:49 PM] they’re introducing everyone in like 10 minutes

george_galuschak [8:49 PM] who cares about these people?I mean that seriously. have we been given any reason to care?

chris [8:50 PM] They’re jumping all over the place, time wise. and combined with introducing 50 characters, it’s hard to follow

george_galuschak [8:50 PM] ‘hey, didn’t you write HAUNTED HOUSES FOR DUMMIES?’

chialynn [8:51 PM] I like the family dynamic, I just want this to come later. So I know who these people are, and why I should care, as George says.

george_galuschak [8:52 PM] MOAHR BENT NECK LADY

chris [8:52 PM] yeah, did we need the Tinder hookup in the first 15 minutes

george_galuschak [8:52 PM] they use that to sell the show. gratuitous sex scene!

chris [8:53 PM] Head Full of Ghosts!

chialynn [8:54 PM] He can afford to leave the house to “sit there and rot”?

chris [8:54 PM] The Dudleys!

chialynn [8:54 PM] Chris, you should recognize that sign.

chris [8:54 PM] Is that supposed to be the writer as a boy?

george_galuschak [8:54 PM]
MY CHILD ARRIVED JUST THE OTHER DAY
SHE SAID THERE’S BENT NECK LADY
C’MON LETS PLAY

chialynn [8:54 PM] Yes, that’s the little boy all growed up.

george_galuschak [8:55 PM]
CAN YOU TEACH ME TO LEVITATE
I SAID NOT TODAY
I GOT BEARD SCRUFF TO GROW
SHE SAID THAT’S OKAY

chialynn [8:55 PM] And now we see he’s married, or was.

george_galuschak [8:55 PM]
BENT NECK LADY
I WANNA BE LIKE HER YEAH
YOU KNOW I WANNA BE LIKE HER

chris [8:56 PM] They should have just started with all the adults showing up, and throw in these flashbacks to 3 other decades later on

chialynn [8:56 PM] There are several actors here who look like other actors in the show, and it’s confusing me.

george_galuschak [8:57 PM] well they have to end with something fucked up or nobody will see the second episode

chialynn [8:57 PM] The maid looks like the sister looks like the mother looks like the other sister.

chris [8:57 PM] Don’t worry, Mrs. Dudley, science becomes a laughing stock in a few decades

chris [8:58 PM] Part of it is that the color is so desaturated that everyone has the same hair color and skin tone

chialynn [8:58 PM] The rattan treehouse is _awesome_.

george_galuschak [8:58 PM] that’s their treehouse? what, are they all millionaires? I had a treehouse, but it looked nothing like that

chialynn [8:59 PM] I wanted a treehouse. I had a tree.

chris [8:59 PM] You didn’t live at Hill House!

george_galuschak [8:59 PM] that would take about a month to build and cost a ton of $$$

chialynn [8:59 PM] I also wanted a ghost, but I didn’t have one.

george_galuschak [8:59 PM] it looks to me like they’re loaded

chialynn [8:59 PM] My friend did. (A ghost, not a treehouse.)

george_galuschak [8:59 PM] good thing, they all need loads of therapy

chialynn [9:00 PM] Ah, downtown Los Angeles. Damn, how heavy is that bag?

chris [9:00 PM] I thought the whole “everything is either orange or blue” post-production was fading out

george_galuschak [9:01 PM] he’s got the GHOST APP on his iPad!

chris [9:01 PM] 200 bucks for an ipad?

chialynn [9:02 PM] More than he’ll get from the fence up the street. So, your brother kicked your door in…

chialynn [9:02 PM] Again, I like the fucked-up family dynamic. I just needed more introduction to the family. Before we started time-hopping.

george_galuschak [9:03 PM] how big is his apartment? are you kidding? how much money does he make?

chialynn [9:04 PM] It’s a really nice apartment. It looked like a flophouse from the street.

chialynn [9:04 PM] Oh, shit. Yeah, that’s creepy as fuck.

george_galuschak [9:04 PM] hahaha second rate J-horror

chialynn [9:05 PM] Okay, on to Episode 2?

george_galuschak [9:05 PM] sure!
chris [9:05 PM] more dreams

george_galuschak [9:05 PM] people sure wake up fast in this series!

chialynn [9:05 PM] I just skipped the intro.

chris [9:05 PM] 3:03 must be when she died (edited)

george_galuschak [9:06 PM] yes, she died by hanging herself. probably the mom. or is the mom still alive? I forgot

chialynn [9:07 PM] I saw my grandmother’s teeth in a glass of water once.

george_galuschak [9:07 PM] I don’t have many doors, but they’re all REALLY RED

chialynn [9:07 PM] Part funeral director, part child psychologist.

chris [9:07 PM]why would that make you feel better haha. She will look just like Eddie from an Iron Maiden album cover

george_galuschak [9:08 PM] they need more naturalistic sets

chris [9:09 PM] a lot of it is the recoloring. forcing everything to orange or blue

george_galuschak [9:09 PM] I don’t know what it is, but it’s pretty glaring.

george_galuschak [9:09 PM] will this episode have another one-night stand, do you think?

chris [9:10 PM] what’s the Joe Bob breast rating?

george_galuschak [9:10 PM] I don’t think he’d make it through the first episode

chialynn [9:11 PM] Hey, she’s reading The Lottery! Nice.

chris [9:11 PM] So far this has nothing at all to do with the book

george_galuschak [9:11 PM] ‘Run along and play. If the lady with the weird neck bothers you, throw a rock at her!’

george_galuschak [9:11 PM] this departed from the book in the first five minutes of the first episode

chris [9:12 PM] contractors wouldn’t let a locked door stop them for very long

george_galuschak [9:12 PM] this is its own derivative thing. don’t blame Shirley Jackson!

chris [9:13 PM] It kind of seems like someone had an idea for a series, and then they acquired the license to Hill House so they could add a familiar name to it

chialynn [9:13 PM] There are elements I really like.

george_galuschak [9:14 PM] hey, what’s in this spooky little house? I am curious. I must see.

chris [9:14 PM] it’s an M.R. James artifact! Marvel placement!

george_galuschak [9:16 PM] they shouldn’t have coopted Shirley Jackson’s book title, this has nothing to do with the book

chris [9:16 PM] It’s true. I would probably give it more of a chance right off the bat if it wasn’t named after that book

george_galuschak [9:17 PM] I’d give it more of a chance also

chris [9:19 PM] They jump around too much

george_galuschak [9:19 PM] SIX YEARS AGO

chris [9:20 PM] historical fiction!?!? Dude, write space opera. It will be hot about the time you’re done

chialynn [9:20 PM] “Oh, shit.” No, this is a urinalysis test. You’re doing it wrong.

george_galuschak [9:20 PM] LOL. I see she’s still wearing her AUDREY HEPBURN GLOVES

chialynn [9:23 PM] “There’s five of them like there’s five of us.” So, they’re direkittens, is what you’re saying.

george_galuschak [9:23 PM] poison the little bastards!!!

chris [9:24 PM] she’s a sound sleeper

chialynn [9:25 PM] “It’s just air in the pipes.”

george_galuschak [9:26 PM] cheap jump scare!

chris [9:28 PM] She hung up on her

chialynn [9:29 PM] Yes, that happens with orphaned kittens. Sorry, kid. Been there.

george_galuschak [9:29 PM] they were definitely poisoned. ala We Have Always Lived in the Castle

chialynn [9:30 PM] Ah, this must be the one who grew up to be a funeral director/child psychologist.

chialynn [9:30 PM]That kitten is breathing!

chialynn [9:30 PM] Oh, no she’s not.

chris [9:32 PM] happy childhood

george_galuschak [9:32 PM] hahahaha

george_galuschak [9:32 PM] that was good! no, that was great!

george_galuschak [9:35 PM] you know, that’s the greenest room I’ve ever seen

chris [9:35 PM] who the hell is that

chialynn [9:35 PM] Her seams aren’t straight.

george_galuschak [9:35 PM] new character alert!

chris [9:36 PM] the bugs?

chialynn [9:36 PM] “Here, come with me,” says New Dude, as if it’s perfectly normal.
Honestly, I’m not sure it’s that weird for her to prep her sister’s body.

chris [9:37 PM] I was just thinking that

chialynn [9:37 PM] Caitlin Doughty talks about doing that for her grandmother.

george_galuschak [9:37 PM] grandmother, not sister. big difference

chialynn [9:37 PM] Well, yes, but it’s still family.

george_galuschak [9:38 PM] this family is many things, but they’re sure not normal

chialynn [9:38 PM] Expected in a way your sister wouldn’t be.

chris [9:38 PM] That’s some Laura Palmer shit right there

chialynn [9:38 PM] Though I get the feeling suicide isn’t _un_expected in this family.

chris [9:39 PM] hahahah

chris [9:39 PM] HELL KITTY

chialynn [9:40 PM] Yeeeeeeeks.

george_galuschak [9:40 PM] there’s no way someone normal would want to do that to member of their own family. unless they hated that family member’s guts

chialynn [9:40 PM] Okay, that was the most sisterly thing I’ve heard in this script. “You have to get two grown men to a goddamned airport!”

chris [9:41 PM] COLOR STORMS

george_galuschak [9:42 PM] what’s with her hair?

chris [9:42 PM] LOL “You let her keep a box of diseased kittens in her bedroom.”

george_galuschak [9:43 PM] diseased or deceased? or both?

chialynn [9:44 PM] “This was not our finest hour.” The mantra of parenthood.

chris [9:44 PM] She’s going to wake up on the table and have KITTEN EYES

chris [9:44 PM] She almost sounds rational, all of a sudden. snarking about the writer

chialynn [9:48 PM] Okay, having the mortician sister doing the soon-to-be-dead sister’s makeup is kind of brilliant. Would have been even better if we didn’t know yet what’s going to happen later.

chris [9:50 PM] bug! come on, open your KITTEN EYES. You know you want to!

george_galuschak [9:50 PM] that’s what we’re all waiting for!

chialynn [9:50 PM] Guuuuuuh

chris [9:52 PM] Called it!

george_galuschak [9:53 PM] what happened to her pupils?

chialynn [9:53 PM] Your pupils fall out when you die. It is known.

chris [9:53 PM] This episode is better. They sort of calmed down and focused mainly on one character

george_galuschak [9:53 PM] less potpourri

chialynn [9:53 PM] Chris, agreed.

george_galuschak [9:54 PM] problem is, after the first episode I wouldn’t have watched the second episode. although I agree, this episode is a lot better

chris [9:54 PM] the forever house!

chialynn [9:54 PM] Is there anyone in those urns? Kind of an odd choice of decor, if not.

george_galuschak [9:54 PM] nobody here but us urns!

chialynn [9:55 PM] So, I’ll definitely keep watching.

chris [9:55 PM] I probably will, too. At some point.

george_galuschak [9:55 PM] no, probably not

chialynn [9:56 PM] But I wish the first episode had been better/more focused.

chris [9:56 PM] The timeline jumping was wholly unnecessary

chialynn [9:56 PM] (There is someone playing creepy music outside my apartment right now, and it’s seriously freaking me out.)

chialynn [9:56 PM] (Novy heard it, too. I am not hallucinating.)

george_galuschak [9:57 PM] a lot of people have dumped on Shirley’s book. Richard Matheson wrote Hell House as a response to Shirley’s book. They made a bad movie in 1999. The world doesn’t need another adaptation. this is an adaptation that has absolutely nothing to do with the book, either

chris [9:57 PM]It isn’t really an adaptation at all

george_galuschak [9:57 PM] why use that name then?

chris [9:57 PM] $

chialynn [9:58 PM] I’m going to read the book, then get back to you on how I feel about this being an adaptation.

chialynn [9:59 PM] On its own, I think it has promise, but the first episode let itself down by being too scattered.

chris [10:00 PM] It has the potential to get better. if you forget about the book

george_galuschak [10:00 PM] it started uneven. second episode got better

chialynn [10:00 PM] Two timelines I could keep track of. Three is a bit much.

george_galuschak [10:00 PM] the sets look like sets

chialynn [10:01 PM] They could have chosen a different color scheme for each, but didn’t.
And George, you’re right about the sets.

george_galuschak [10:01 PM] the horror tropes they use are pretty cliché. which is fine, bc horror’s gonna be horror, but they might try for something more

chialynn [10:02 PM] His apartment doesn’t look like anyone lives in it. Which might have been intentional, or might not. I can’t tell, and that’s an issue.

chris [10:02 PM] They should have started out with everyone showing up for the sister’s funeral. Or something like that

george_galuschak [10:02 PM] yes, that’s a real inciting incident. they started before the inciting incident

chialynn [10:02 PM] Yes!

george_galuschak [10:02 PM] I didn’t know who the main character was in the first episode either

chris [10:03 PM]I don’t think there is one. I have a feeling subsequent episodes focus on someone new

chialynn [10:03 PM] It didn’t even seem to be the house

chris [10:03 PM] right, the house is not central. they shouldn’t have had weird stuff happening in places other than the house

chris [10:03 PM] They focused too much on the random woman whose husband died in the first episode. It looks like she’s just a background character the writer guy could infodump to

chialynn [10:05 PM] Oh, yeah. I’d kinda forgotten about her. Which is a shame; she had an interesting story.

george_galuschak [10:06 PM] all over the place

chris [10:06 PM] But not while they have to set up this whole F’d up family. That’s a good point, Chia. The house just seems like set dressing

chialynn [10:07 PM] So, I’ll watch more; Chris—you might; and George—likely not?

george_galuschak [10:07 PM] no, probably not. if I’m going to watch something like that, I have to like the characters and they have to make it clear what’s going on

chialynn [10:08 PM] (Keeping in mind that I’m quite willing to watch more of not-great things with elements I like. Thus, The OA.)

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